The 3 Locations of My Realest State

Today is my 33rd birthday. I’m putting the polishing touches on this essay during the week leading up to my 33rd birthday. It feels like a solemn time of reflection, feeling more inward with each passing day. I didn’t plan on calling this an “essay,” but I don’t know what else to call something that feels like homework in my head but a ballad in my heart. There is something persuasive about my intentions, although I didn’t know what they were when I started. Maybe I still don’t know. But waffling over an undecided morality doesn’t make a good story. So allow me to draw a metaphorical line in the sand and lead with a spicy one-liner: 

“Housing is not a human right.”

There it is, folks. A belief some of you might agree with, yet others are now tempted to quit reading and/or unfriend me on Facebook. Retreat to your binary-thinking if you must, but read on for a tricky conversation between all the voices in my head that could argue both sides of this debate: Is housing a human right? Well, yes and no. I believe the answer is more complex than a 2 or 3-letter word, so I’ll offer an overview and then break it down. 

My existence in this world has been one of privilege. My experience has also been one of deprivation, neglect, and sometimes abuse. But this article is not about my life. It’s about balance. I can look at my own life, and perhaps you can too, and see the ways I’ve been utterly blessed - and also the shadows that creep in at the worst times. You might call the darkness a curse, and maybe it is. We might call a successful person someone who knows to keep the darkness at bay, or at least they mask it well. But what does the mask truly achieve? How do you mask your pain? Where do you express grief in your life? If the answer is, “I don’t,” then trust me when I tell you the shadow will spread quickly when it comes, and it will. If you can’t navigate your way through grief, there is a chance it will drown you when it does. And that’s what this article is about: humanity. 

I may look down on binary-thinkers (it’s more like I feel they’re missing out on the fullness of life) but the purpose of balancing between duality is an important one. I’m not talking about opposites, but forces dancing in polarity, each existing because of the other. Something like the force that keeps our planet in motion, oxygen in our atmosphere, gravity in check, and keeps dark matter, ya know… out there. Because of that balance, somehow we have life. Human beings aren’t the only species to thrive as life on Earth either; our more-than-human neighbors come in many forms: wild mammals produce milk for their young too, reptiles and fish lay eggs that continue to evolve until they break, trees grow in two directions but we only see one side of them, plants and lichen consume the landscape, and bacteria dissolves everything in its path. But half of the microbial realm is also life-giving, so if everything were to burn… it would just grow again. 

So why are humans even here? What’s the purpose of us being here? Ah, the proverbial question about humanity. I don’t want to answer it (cause I can’t) because as you read this article, I’d rather have YOU tune into these questions as they relate to your own life: Why are YOU here? What is YOUR purpose? If nature can survive without us, then what should we do with our time here?

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My History and Perspective

I’ve known I’m a purpose-driven person my entire life. As a child I was prone to observation and saw patterns in everything, as humans evolve to do. I also never felt called to one particular vocation. The word “career” didn’t mean anything to me, all I knew was I didn’t want one. I enjoyed jobs where I could learn, work with people, solve problems, and serve. My first job at Bates City BBQ (shoutout Bates City, MO!) catered to a small community I loved so much that I worked there from 16 until after I got married at 23. 

I’ve been a busser, server, general manager, bartender, bank teller, catering manager, warehouse worker, public health research assistant, yoga instructor, nutritionist, herbalism teacher, forest school mentor, social media manager, online project manager, virtual assistant, real estate agent, and now am an agent services and marketing manager for a real estate brokerage. I’ve spent seasons gigging it; doing random jobs like data entry, cleaning houses, turning over AirBnBs, painting houses, summer camp counselor, piece work for a printing company, content creator, or farm labor. I know how to work. It’s growing a career I didn’t know how to do. And for a long time, I thought a career was a purpose! So I’ve often felt disappointed in my lack of direction and confused by my lack of clarity - yet somehow deeply committed to a bigger design I knew I was not ready to see. 

So I dabbled in hobbies, education, side hustles, and support groups - following my interests until I found something I knew in my soul I wanted to do for the rest of my life: work with plants. My entrepreneurial spirit has come and gone over the years; I’ve considered myself a small business owner since 2018 when I first launched my herbalism business, Scorpio Rising Botanicals. I put it on hold when I moved to Washington in 2021 and sold most of my inventory to The Grange Duvall, who used to have a little market for local wares. I became known as an herbalist in that community and made a lot of close friends through our love of plants while I lived in Duvall, both through The Grange (where I later worked) and Wilderness Awareness School (the school I studied at for 2 years, and the reason I moved there from Missouri). 

My sense of purpose always felt like my own, like I had a destiny and I was in control of it. My sense of self was a still, quiet voice I could hear when I slowed down. But what to do with it? I didn’t know. The grip of confusion began as a child, I think; my environment could be unpredictable. Emotions weren’t something we navigated as a family, and I was eluded by them. I found it easier to retreat to my internal realm - and I could do that best while alone in my room. I think that’s related to why my fight or flight response became to freeze. 

Yep, I’m a freezer, and I’m not alone! I bet a lot of you reading this freeze when you get scared, can’t make up your mind, get embarrassed, get struck with grief, or any number of things that catch us off guard. When we don’t have the tools to process the reality around us, our acute stress response is often a pattern in our lives. But I learned to fight, and I learned to flee, too. I also learned how to stay present with my rage, my pain, and my fear. Turns out, the shadows I used to fear can also be my friends. The darkness is a curse sometimes, but not always. How you approach it changes what it becomes.

The same can be said about humanity; how you approach other people changes what they become. Your approach changes how they treat you, and even informs how they’ll respond. Without an authentic response, we have no authentic relationship. Most people can spot authenticity, even if it’s veiled behind a necessary mask. Which is why I wouldn’t worry too much about the masks you wear. Some of them are for survival, and have served you quite well. Awareness and the freedom to adapt and evolve is really what makes us authentic, anyway. (Honestly, I think I wrote this last paragraph for me, not about me. Could be both.)

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Humanity

Discovering a sense of purpose in my life has felt like finding the intersection between enriching personal fulfillment and service to my community. There are likely several different definitions or experiences of life purpose, and I don’t want to be limiting about what this could mean for you! I hope my purpose in life evolves over time to meet my adapting values and causes I find most meaningful. The past several years of my life, I have gone through a variety of challenges, roadblocks, obstacles, grief, rites of passage, transformation, and growth. I have discovered parts of myself I didn’t know were there (hey, thanks shadow work!) and have new appreciation for home, my sense of humanity, and stewardship of my home and environment. These values feel the most important to me, and coupled with my other foundational values like freedom and love, I know the path I’ve chosen is a meaningful one because I get to tap into these values everyday. 

This is where my privilege kicks in. Why do I care so much about humans living meaningful lives? Isn’t it hard enough just to survive? Yes! 

So let’s talk about human rights. A human right is something every person is inherently entitled to just by being human. The first international human rights document, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, was written after World War 2 and adopted by the UN and applied to all people of all nations. It was the first of its kind, and it set the stage for the culture we have today. Human rights are about universal protections and freedoms that allow you to live safely enough to even pursue your life purpose. Purpose is a luxury when every day is focused on survival.

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Location, Location, Location

I’m sure you’ve heard this saying about real estate:

“It’s all about location, location, location!”

And it’s true! The value of property isn’t just about bedroom count and square footage. Those factors are valued, along with the condition of the house, according to where it’s located, bedroom and bathroom count, square footage, infrastructure, local amenities including proximity to emergency services, and more. When my husband and I bought our first house in Independence, MO in 2016, our real estate agent told us if our exact same house was located in Lee’s Summit, the town to our south, it would be worth nearly double what our price point was. At the time I thought, WHAT! How is that fair?! 

And now, four years into my real estate career, I think I understand.

It's been almost four years since I decided to begin studying real estate. Double that and you have the length of time I’ve been studying the patterns of nature. Becoming a nutritionist turned into becoming an herbalist, then a movement enthusiast and embodiment coach, survivalist and nature guide, then real estate professional. I didn’t see the pattern until recently: I am learning everything required to live a happy, healthy life in community. Everything from the legal and financial vehicles that secure rights to a home, to mind-body connection and nature therapy that reminds me of the soul connection I feel to the Spirit That Moves In All Things around me. Learning how to center myself (and that I even have a center) or the chemistry to heal myself, and practice self leadership, makes me a better individual. 

And I can say one thing in confidence. Nothing is fair in the complexity of nature. There is a perfect and delicate balance; fraught with terrible beauty and tension. But fair? No. 

And that includes the complexity of my own interests. The expansion of the human mind - and evolution of not only one body, but a broader body. Not of just one mind, but the psychology of a society. On every level, there is tension, and that is what doesn’t make it fair. The universal law of light and dark 

The real estate market Not only can paint contains so many complex Variables, such as The value of a home. Or, I should say everything that goes into the value of a home. 

But let's Pan out for a moment. 

Let's remember.  If housing should be accessible for all?